Oh, just a nightmare honey!

Time is going by quick and almost has a no control over it. Maybe there were times where I chose to react certain way but most of the times it felt like there was a natural course which I was supposed to follow. From the last time to date the only thing that changed is the circumstances and the way I see life. Nothing much but everything feels different. As if being born again in this new space and with people around and everything about it.

Alienated at times but then again I had to ask is this not what I desired a year ago? Independence, in another word bound by something totally different from what I was once bound. I suppose I am going to continue this and live in a certain way for certain time being for myself. It doesn’t feel natural. The scale to measure all of it is almost blurred that I can hardly see the difference but most definitely the present is always better.

With everything new around the people, scecanrios, work, circumstances and the lifestyle I am supposed to be excited and grateful. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful and mindful about the things I have come across in this life. Can’t complain.

The story goes again and it starts with my favourite word ‘but’ I loathe the word at the same time. I often look for ways to reduce using it on a daily basis. Often wonder whom am I trying control and what exactly is in my control? Things happen anyway with or without the control. Temptations on being a bystander is always high but this stubborn mind never really allows it. The result is the nightmares in the form of self reflection. Nightmares are scary if I didn’t understand it. At present it doesn’t scare me but worries me I guess this is adult version of nightmares. Lol

I wonder of all the memories we collect on a daily basis and the reactions we have against it. The storage is almost full with the junk. I try to scower one good thing and I have none. Either its built up anger, rage, or jealousy or an unnecessary bodily attachment. Regardless of all the practices, its so hard to come by and makes it almost impossible to put anything into practice. This does not mean that I am not going to try. I will keep trying, not to control anything but to be the good bystander in this drama.