Honestly vibing the phase of being so disconnected by being deeply connected. Apart from all the weird judgements and criticism that my brain has been forming on its own; an awareness on the expression has finally found it’s way. Definitely not complaining! I have strangely always felt like 40s being in 20s, so hitting the big 3 0 hasn’t been a shock at all.
Looking back feels like I have lived a very hard life, still I feel grateful for each and every experience I went through. It didn’t shape me per se but has certainly navigate me in the right direction. I do not have any specific timeline and I do not know if I ever needed one. Definitely not suggesting that I’d be floating around however, enclosing self in a box is not ideal either.
I do see myself as a free spirited person, yes there were times of struggles, withdrawal and with time it passed away too. It’s always easier to talk about it once we have been through but like no two snowflakes are similar the situations won’t be the same either. At times it’s about the choices we make determines the course of our lives. Not everyone is fortunate either to actually get to choose in the first place. I am grateful for all the opportunities this life has presented.
The biggest downfall was when I desperately seeked for answers. The sadness rose from the disappointment and the expectations. Few things I have learned is to have an open mind and to be free from expectations. Everything was always there all I really had to do was to look for the right questions and that I had to begin with self.
I am writing this today so as to come back even in a decade time and to reassure that things were always great; and if it’s not then all I need to do is to change the lens that I am using.