While I was on a desk today I came to a realisation that today is 111 or 11th January which marks the completion of my sixth year in Dublin, Ireland.
I used to get this strange feeling of fleeing or escaping to a place completely unknown. I have felt this forever and while I was looking at some mundane yet meaningful stuff I happened to reflect on the date, the day I had landed in this country with no plans and no expectation. Here I was still the same with no plans, no expectation but something has changed. I no longer feel that I am tied to or bound by anything. I feel free.
I have never felt this free and to be honest all my effort I have ever poured in has been to feel this way even for a second. I was never physically bound or even tied to anything psychologically yet I always felt that I had to be somewhere, some place designated only for me. Up until last year when I was setting up this site, I clearly remember writing “in search of a place called home” in my about section. This feeling has changed with the notion of “I am where I am supposed to be and this is just perfect.”
The essence of being in this magnetic field of energy that I had hoped to learn, to feel and to realise someday is right here and now. I do not know how to put these into words but it is this feeling, the presence, reminding me how grateful I am today.
Nothing has changed, everything around me is still the same incase you’re wondering. My circumstances has never been better but how I see them has made a huge impact, not once but every single time. There was a time I would pretend that I am a better person so I should forgive everyone or I should let things go but the pretending part was doing more bad than good cause I was harbouring every negative thoughts I could in my mind.
But with time, this has changed. I no longer think that I am a better person or I am bigger than any situation instead I see no difference in the situation, others and self. When you remove your sense of self from any situation, you are free from that which generates every other feeling. Another thought can then hover around, who are you if you are not that or who are you without your ego?
It’s about time you find that out. 🙂