The year full of surprises, mysteries and uncertainties has finally come to an end. Did I see it coming? Nope.
I am not sure, if I will even have any trouble transitioning to 2021 considering the fact that I had nothing in particular to date to in 2020 except few misfortunes that I do not hope to re-call. The year was so bizarre not just for me I am sure but it was one hell of a year that just slipped through and literally nothing could be done of that.
The pause that hit me even before stepping into 2020, lasted throughout the year. I do not have much to share but I did learn some things, few things in particular not about others but of myself. And for this I am fortunate that I got to spend time with myself alone. With no place to go, no place to be, nothing to account for, no one to report to. A pattern of the year that I thought I would spend travelling did happen to me but instead of living it out and open in this wild world, I may have felt it being inside these walls of my apartment.
I am neither proud nor bummed about being at home all this time without a job or anything to do in hand but I survived 2020. Yay!!
The year was definitely full of surprises for me and I could not have spent it any better if the circumstances had not played its part.
I have to admit that each year that I struggled to go to work, to studies, to life that I thought I must live as a normal person. I wonder why I lived that way. What compelled me to live life like that, like work, study, pay for the living expenses in between going out for dining in a fancy restaurant, accommodating few trips here and there. Of course traveling was always fun but I kinda wonder if I was ever present while I did all those things. Was I even aware that I was doing all those?
The kick back that was certainly different this 2020. With no job, no living expenses to cover my daily needs, I thought of taking jobs here and there but I did not. I am not proud.
I do not understand what was going on but I knew I had to wait it out, there is no concrete answer to what one goes through and why things happen the way it happens in one’s life. The old me, would have judged this new me if I had seen my situation, no doubt. I might have judged many while growing up no doubts about that either.
But the time I spent with myself was something I definitely needed. It’s not like I ever cared of others judgement towards me and I don’t know if I ever will cause it barely concerns me. Mainly because I feel like we have better things to do in life than that for example to understand oneself, to know the purpose of existence bla bla.. “the important stuff” that actually matters.
Oh! I am going to sound arrogant again but I really think one must understand that life does not start and end just like that. There is a lot in between but the logical way of living would be to live and reproduce and so on but is that it? I am drifting. 🙂 coming back to my point quickly there is no hard and fast rule to live your life.
You just need to live, do not think otherwise. Of course take a job, live a life you deserve but do not limit yourself in this regard. Maybe, you do not always need to grind to live the life you dream of. May be you need to live like you have the dreamt of this life, may be to ask yourself a very simple question. Did I want this in first place? If you get your answer you will know what to do next.
This is my learning from 2020. It was not all bad, I lived and loved living it. I did not want to go through the pain caused by the car accident but it happened and I did not want to live without job or earnings but it happened, I managed to travel the country and Greek Island that I did not expect but it did happen, in all this I got my first Yoga teacher training certificate I had no idea that I would do any such thing but it happened and to all these experiences I am very grateful.
To 2020, the year of unexpected surprises, realisation, and to living every moments where I actually felt alive, the moments of breakdown which led me to fully accept myself and every imperfections, to fully embrace and more importantly to be able fully express joy and compassion to self and everyone around. No more shallow thoughts, feelings or complements. 🙂
Do anything, be anyone, but more importantly be you. You are beautiful.